Tuesday, January 31, 2012
It has been a good couple of weeks. I like being around you. I'm happy with where I am right now but something just feels off. It feels like something is missing. I'm not sure what is it. Its true. I'm a runner. I run, I avoid, I don't like facing problems and just runaway from it. I did an online survey and its true.

"Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the fearful quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that fearful people tend to have much difficulty in their relationships. They tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others, and, even in cases in which they do enter a committed relationship, the relationship may be characterized by mistrust or a lack of confidence."

This really explains alot why I am how I am right now. In today's UR class, the lecturer talked about conflicts. The negative conflicts and positive conflicts and that we should have positive conflicts in our relationship. That is where communication lies and if there wasn't any fights means there is a problem.

I think what went wrong with me and him was that, communication. I know what I did was wrong. Its my fault. But I think it could have turned out better if we had better communication. Sure, you are the 'secure' one and I'm the 'Avoidant' but I need someone who can be firm and tell me straight up if something I do is not right or if they are not happy with something. I do not want you to always give in and just pretend you are okay with it. I loved you. Always have, always will. It feels like something is off. Like its still left hanging. Everytime I see you, I get weak. I miss you. Your smile, your laughter, your patience, your 'act cool' moments. I miss it all. But I got to learn how to let it go. Like I said, you deserved someone better. And, "If two people are meant to be together, eventually they'll find their way back.", I will always remember this.