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Tuesday, February 21, 2012
 I can't sort of this feeling I have. I do not know what I want, what to do with my life, who I want in it. Its pretty messed up. School's a bitch. I do not like the people from my school. My normal usual bestfriends are pretty busy with their own schedules and sometimes I find myself wondering who I can even turn to. I make random conversations with everybody but I do not feel like I belong, anywhere. Its really pretty messed up. On the lighter note, I am excited for attachment. Although its just for 2 months, I'm really gonna give my best and try to get a good connection with them so I can come back to work for them if they have any slots available for me. I have been thinking about my future alot lately. If I'm gonna work straight or further my education or such. I have quite a few backup plans to fall on but some will take a much longer path. But the most important thing, I have at the back of my head is having a Degree. I want to make my parents proud. I'm not even gonna think about marriage till after I show my parents the Degree certificate in my hands. Insya'Allah. I've heard somewhere, affairs of the heart is tricky. I agree with him on this. Sometimes you know you want to move on, you have to move on, but you can't. Cos you know that you are deeply attached to a person to just move on. It may seem like I have, like it was so easy for me to do so but honestly, it is not. They do not know how I really feel deep down. How scared I actually am. I am who I am. I can't change that. I'm not gonna blame on the first ex-boyfriend that I turned out the way I am now cos its all about choices, but after him, I definitely changed. I got so scared. I got all attached to him, went through thick and thin, and he just left me hanging by a thread. Ever since, I was afraid to get too attached to anyone. Whenever someone slowly gets too attached to me, I run, I avoid, I leave. Its all cos I do not want to feel the same way again. I even left when I met my perfect guy. He gave me a second chance and I blew it up. As much as I want to see him starting anew with some really nice girl, I do not want another girl to have him cos I still love him. Goodnight. |